When we turn an expectation into a boundary, we become a judge rather than a creator. Boundaries are not meant to bring us freedom, but safety; expectations are what bring us freedom. Boundaries are what we choose not to create with our energy, while expectations are what we do choose to create with our energy. The dominance and submission game (master/slave consciousness) are the result of conflating boundaries and expectations into one thing, as we externalize our expectations onto others when we treat expectations like boundaries. In this dualistic game, we dominate/judge others into creating safety and freedom for us, or we submit and use our talents to create safety and freedom for others. It is through differentiating them back into two distinct concepts that we restore our personal sovereignty, for when we re-internalize our expectations we stop making others responsible for our creations.
Externalized boundary/expectation: I’ll find another partner if you do not have enough sex with me. (Puts the responsibility on the other party to create our freedom; making us free at the expense of their safety.)
Internalized boundary: I’m more than happy to have sex with you after we’re in an exclusive and committed relationship. (Brings safety – does not tell others what to do, but tells them what we will not do, and under what circumstances we will do something.)
Internalized expectation: I expect to create frequent sexual experiences in my relationship. (Creates freedom – takes responsibility for creating experiences for oneself.)
Additional notes on boundaries and expectations:
Boundaries are meant to give us safety, but when we use boundaries to get freedom, we are now using boundaries as a way of meeting our expectations, and placing expectations on others. Boundaries give safety, expectations give freedom, but when expectations are externalized onto others in the form of boundaries, it creates the master/slave dynamic.
Boundaries pull energy away from what we do not want, while expectations are meant to put energy into what we do want. However, we typically use boundaries to pull energy from what we do not want, and to pull energy from people what we do want. This is a misuse of expectations and boundaries, as we are moving into the master/slave dynamic whenever we use boundaries to pull energy with our expectations. Then our only way of giving within the master/slave dynamic is when we are the slave; giving becomes a form of slavery to our masters.
Judges / masters are perceived as the gateway to our success and what we want, and we believe we are unable to get what we want without them, and that it would be faster with them. We therefore audition to a judge, giving away our power to them, because we perceive them as our gateway to success and freedom. We gain such freedom only from submitting to them, thus it is a “deal with the devil” kind of thing, where we sell our soul for temporary riches, fame, and success — and are enslaved by it.
Background information on boundaries and expectations: