Managing Life Changes in a Process Based Manner

The secret to navigating life in a manner that is free from drastic life changes, a series of unfortunate events, and sudden accidents that catch us off guard and/or traumatize us, is to do so intentionally by working life in a step by step process, and with specific boundaries in place that enables us to do so.  Life changes and accidents are only possible when we need flashing neon signs to get our attention, because we’re too dumbed down and dull to the next logical steps that present themselves to us, especially when they are contrary to our emotional attachments to specific outcomes that we really really want. 

Life events such as childbirth gives us ample warning, nine months in fact, to process the transition from being single to becoming parents, and death can be the same way if we so choose. Other examples of life changes that are gradual are the birth of a relationship, but so can the breakup of that relationship if we are open to seeing the signs. Moving into a new home, and moving out of that home are another, and starting a business often takes time when we’re first learning the ropes, but ending that business can also be process oriented when we’re able to follow life’s next steps when they’re presented to us.  

Once the process of life is mastered, we become sensitive and open to each new logical step as they’re presented to us, and then everything we do can be a gradual process rather than a sudden stop at the end that feels a lot like driving our car into a brick wall, or jumping off of a cliff and experiencing the sudden stop at the bottom. When we always see things coming, because we’ve refined our ability to see our next steps as they’re presented to us, we can course correct by changing the root causes in our thinking, which in turn leads to different feelings and outcomes. However, sometimes our outcomes are too far gone to save the relationship with a specific person or situation, or maybe the relationship or situaton has naturally run its course, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t take our lessons from our current experiences and course corrections and bring those better qualities and insights into our new relationships and situations—we absolutely can! 

The end of one process, relationship, or season is the beginning of the next process, relationship, or season, and instead of the sudden, disastrous, and often traumatic stop that typically accompanies endings, or holding onto our outcomes to the point that all involved are needlessly suffering (implied consent) just to keep our emotional attachment to our outcomes going, we can slowly and gradually process life events as they approach, and allow the new experiences and seasons to gradually come in to replace them. An attachment to outcomes produces black and white, all or nothing codependent thinking and behaviors, but instead, life can be a series of gradual processes once we become more natural and see life, situations, and our relationships as a seasonal process.

On a side note, if we live life in process, we gain understanding, power, meaning, and purpose from it, but if we are too tied up in our emotional attachments to outcomes, we’ll tend to be more nihilistic, and we’ll be powerless to live creative and intentional lives. This power gap between a process oriented focus and an outcome oriented focus leaves room for manipulators to come in to exploit our attachment to outcomes, and like the Pied Piper, they’ll use a gradual process based way of leading us to the end goals that they have already predetermined and planned for us. We either live our process oriented lives from within, or we will be manipulated and directed by external processes that are outside of our control (one example is called political gradualism, which is used by Fabian socialism to further their control of humanity). 

At a certain point, after living a life of process oriented focus to such an extent that we’ve fully integrated our experiences in a certain aspect of our life, the process will be internalized within us, and our outcomes will look like they are the result of an outcome oriented focus, but they are in fact still the result of our process based relating. Like Sherlock Holmes when he analyzes a crime scene, it might look like magic, but the process is still the bridge that connects his physical observations to his conclusions, it’s just been internalized through practice to a high degree. We can and will appear to magically materialize outcomes, when in fact we’ve mastered nature and its universal principles, and follow the step by step process in each and every way.

Affirmations:

  1. I can lead a process oriented life.
  2. I can trust the logical process that leads to better outcomes.
  3. I can always have more than enough time to make a good decision.
  4. I can be sensitive enough to see each next logical step as it is presented to me.
  5. I can focus more on the process each and every day.
  6. I can spot and acknowledge the next logical steps in my life.
  7. I can work through and process the next logical steps in my life.
  8. I can use the step by step process to course correct my life when needed.

Boundaries:

  1. “I’m more than happy to go through life changes when it is a gradual process.”
  2. ”I’m more than happy to go through life changes when I can process them gradually step by step.”
  3. ”I’m more than happy to go through life changes when there’s more than enough time to process them one step at a time.”
  4. ”I’m more than happy to move out when there is more than enough time to process my feelings.”
  5. ”I’m more than happy to move out of my house when I can gradually work the process to leave this home and find a new home.”
  6. ”I’m more than happy to break up with someone when there’s more than enough time to gradually process my feelings around it.”
  7. ”I’m more than happy to start a new relationship when it is a gradual process.”
  8. ”I’m more than happy to move into a new place when it is a gradual process.”

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