How Does Not Answer Why

Quite often, we give “how” answers to “why” questions, which is not a valid nor logical way to cope and deal with a “why” question. If the question is “why do I feel triggered by such and such”, the answer cannot be “then stop interacting with such and such”, as that is a “how” solution to a “why” question. It could be said that the “stop interacting” answer is the logical progression of the “why” answer, which might be “because they are idiots that do not respect my boundaries”. However, that is not a valid “why” answer either, as it begs many more questions be asked, such as “why are they idiots”, “why do I continually interact with people who disrespect me”, “why am I behaving as their victim”, “when was the first time I ever experienced similar disrespect”, and “do I ever act in a similar way towards others?”

Only after exhausting the many angles of “why” can we finally move on to a “how” that is an actual solution, and in many cases, the “how” will automatically take care of itself already, as we will find that we are no longer interacting in ways that cause us to experience the particular triggers we have already processed. “Why” answers “why”, “how” answers “how”, but “how” does not answer “why”, and the “why” comes before the “how”.

~Nathan & Aline

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