Why do we Experience Jealousy?

Jealous people may feel that they are justified in their jealous actions, or they may feel guilty for being jealous, but jealousy is always an effect of the inability to go deeper in a relationship. If a person is jealous sexually, it is only because they are unable to go deeper into their own sexuality, and thus unable to deepen with their partner(s). Emotional, spiritual, physical, and intellectual depth also pertains to this pattern — we get jealous when we’re unable to go deep, regardless of the area of our lives that we experience it.

Many men do not want to emotionally deepen with their partners, they’d rather have a superficial emotional relationship than a deep one, and they’ll often attack their women when they do anything that shows them their inability to go deeper. This is why dominance / submission is the duality version of intimacy. When people are unable to go deeper, which means they are unable to become more intimate, they need to get their intimacy from either being dominant or submissive. I’ve seen women do this to men as well, of course, but men seem to do this more often than women.


Emotional attachments, usually stemming from childhood traumas, are at the root of our need to stay superficial in an aspect of our lives, as we are afraid of the implications that our vulnerability will have on our relationship, our safety, or our freedom. We’re afraid that our partners might leave us, punish us, or worse, if they knew the real flaws lurking within us. Since we’re too afraid of opening up that aspect of ourselves to the light of awareness, either with ourselves or with another, we then demand unreasonable loyalty, or act unreasonably loyal, in our relationships. We may also act dominant or submissive to avoid going deeper; as we already mentioned that they are two sides of the same jealousy coin.

Depth is the cure for jealousy, as it is impossible to rock a connection that is bound together through tremendous depth of intimacy and shared experiences. It is impossible to intellectually seduce or punish a person who is intellectually deep, it is impossible to sexually seduce or punish a person who is sexually deep, it is impossible to emotionally seduce or punish a person who is emotionally deep, it is impossible to financially seduce or punish a person who is financially deep, and it is impossible to spiritually seduce or punish a person who is spiritually deep.

Jealousy and lust are dualistic opposites, when one is present, the other is also overtly or covertly present, but when an aspect of our life and/or relationship is allowed to sufficiently deepen, we experience satisfaction.


In this way, lust and jealousy are only an effect and a messenger, much like a warning light in a car, alerting us to an aspect of our lives where we have failed to deepen. Rather than acting to avoid it, or punishing those who cause us to feel it, we can start to listen to it. Depth matters.  What causes depth? The desire to know.  The desire to understand.  The desire to be more aware.  These all promote the asking of questions., and questions cause us to go deeper into that which we are questioning.

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